Look inside yourself.  You know the truth.  There is a conspiracy.  A great squirrel conspiracy.  Read here the truth.  Heed the words.

"I was there, at the dawn of the Squirrel Conspiracy. It began in our Human Year 2001, at the dawn of a new Millennium.  It was also the dawn of a new age for Squirrel-kind."

I am the only human who knows of these things.  It was what I have seen and the visions given to me by the Great Squirrel that I tell you of now.  These may very well be among the last writings of our kind.  The thousand years is over and the new age is upon us.  And it will be an age dominated by the squirrels.

The squirrels had a dream, and this dream took form in the persons of the Squirrel Twins.  Their true names remain unknown to me.  They revealed themselves simply as the Good Squirrel Twin and the Evil Squirrel Twin.  Perhaps they evolved from squirrels native to this planet.  Perhaps they came from a time far in the future.  Perhaps they are diplomats or travelers from the hundred worlds. I knew they were dangerous.  I just wasn't quite sure which one was most dangerous.  I accepted the risk because understanding them  was our last, best hope for survival.

This account may seem, at first glance, rather confused.  I am not a poet.  I am not even a writer.  What am I?  I'm not quite sure anymore.  But the one thing I am sure about is that I am as sane as you.  You must believe this, just as you must believe this story.  Maybe it isn't too late.  I have seen things....  I'm getting ahead of myself again.  I must go now.  They are watching.  Look outside.  They may be watching you, too.  I'll write more when I am able.

Following are materials that have been sent to Squirrel Twins by Squirrel Conspiracy Theorists.  Send your contribution to nuts@squirreltwins.com (the e-mail address in no way expresses an opinion of the contents). 

The Self-Contained Evil Squirrel Detection Elimination Device (SCESDED)